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Joke of the Day

"Is it whisky? Two Chinese men break into a Scottish Distillery. One turns to the other and says ""is it whisky?"". His accomplice turns to him and says ""yes! But not as whisky as wobbing a bank""."

"If someone tells you he has a centrifuge on a submarine, don't believe him! It's a subterfuge..."

"How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him."

"What has 2 legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat"

"No thanks hot air balloons. I prefer to fly in 75 ton metal tubes as God and the Wright brothers intended."

"Lawyers are safe company to have for girls. They will be concerned about Your Honour more than their own."

"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"

"Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means? Me: We have to be quick! *Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*"

"What have men and spray paint in common? One squeeze and they're all over you."

"God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed."