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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you an ultrasound technician? Because I'd like to know what sex we're having."

"The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: ""That's way too big to fit in the back door."" 4 people in unison: ""That's what she said!"""

"Trees are allergic to bees.. ..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler) Original joke! Edit: Grammar"

"Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby? You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat"

"The best advice I can give to Black Friday shoppers is to come early and take a shit by the door so everyone tracks it in."

"What the difference between a feminist and a pencil? The pencil has a point"

"I never thought that the Internet was very useful but now I've changed my mind. Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before."

"Why cant Schizophrenics be alcoholics? because they never drink alone."

"You wouldn't believe how many laws I'm obeying right now"

"14yo: Have you ever smoked marijuana? Me: Today? 14yo: What? Me: What?"