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Joke of the Day

"The best advice I can give to Black Friday shoppers is to come early and take a shit by the door so everyone tracks it in."

"Thanks autocorrect. I wanted her to know that I shaved my duck."

"Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull"

"Please help me with a punchline to: ""How do you find an amish guy on the internet..."" I've got nothin, but I feel like there could be something there. Any help is appreciated."

"The writers for The Office have drifted out of touch with modern office life. Nobody is employed anymore."

"A wife gets naked ...and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'"

"What do you call a cow masturbating? Beef stroganoff!"

"5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies"

"Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye."

"""Jess is coming over"" ""Jess who indiscriminately murders people or-"" *Gets stabbed to death* ""Yes"""