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Joke of the Day

"Why don't tennis players ever get married? Because love means nothing to them."

"People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance. They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so..."

"Have you heard of that family fun game Beat the Parents? Talk about a double standard."

"I was told I was addicted to cocaine, but I can assure you I am definitely not. I just love the way it smells."

"""I need a car. What do you have?"" ""Well, we have a Subaru Outback"" ""But what kind of Subaru?"" ""Outback"" ""I don't CARE where you keep it..."""

"Did you here about the nun who took up knitting? She was making quite the habit of it."

"People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work."

"What's green then turns red really quickly? A frog in a blender"

"[God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say ""when"" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*"

"I got drunk and woke up in the gutter. This is my sewer side note."