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Joke of the Day

"1st Anniversary: Let's go to Vegas 5th Anniversary: Get a sitter so we can go to dinner 10th Anniversary: Russian roulette sounds like fun"

"My girlfriend's father called me a pedophile just because she's 22 and I'm 36. Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary."

"That's Odd. I can't even."

"Hi college freshmen! I hope when you selected bedding for your dorm room you asked yourself, ""Can I see myself throwing up on this pattern?"""

"Last night I dreamed that I was a homeless dog It was pretty *ruff*."

"Gunshots Or fireworks?"

"The U.S Election is Kind of Like an Attractive Bisexual Because whether they go with a man or a woman, you know they're fucked."

"Too many men hate it when I put both of my hands on their shoulder and ask if everything is alright take this guy at the urinal for example"

"Animal sounds Cats go meow Rats go squeak Dogs go woof Pigs go ""Put your hands on your fucking head unless you wanna be shot in your fucking skull!"""

"the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals."