216674

Joke of the Day

"My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore."

"Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl."

"""Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"" - birth of an expression"

"First they ignore your fanny pack, then they laugh at your fanny pack, then they see you eat gummy bears from your fanny pack, then you win."

"I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb."

"How do you get into a pool full of women? Easy, it's called muff diving."

"One way to find out if your crush likes you is: Who cares. People are horrible and it's better to be alone."

"What was the old lady's favourite type of wine? ""Why don't you ever take me to Florida?"" Courtesy of my Nana."

"Huh? Guess I must've got drunk and married Google at some point. I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day Teach him to fish and you get rid of him during weekends."