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Joke of the Day

"[takes e-cig from guy beside me & takes a hit] dude, your e-cig is broken GUY BESIDE ME: give me back my clarinet"

"The old man's stairlift broke down in the middle of the stairs That piece of shit drove him up the fucking wall"

"Do zombies go to heaven when they die? I hope so. There's lots of nice people up there to eat."

"My nan used to always tell me ""only boring people get bored"" I prefer to call it 'entertainmentally challenged'..."

"If I hack a movie in Guadeloupe... Am i a pirate of the caribbeans ?"

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, do feminists still try to blame it on the patriarchy?"

"What is the difference between a hyper-active gamer and someone with a predilection of violence towards sheep? One's a button masher, and the other is a mutton basher."

"I thought of pick up line that only works on mexicans. Are you Mexican? Because I wanna get jalapeno."

"Did you hear Apple is going into the wine business? Their vineyard will produce every varietal of wine... except ports."

"What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog? Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese."