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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokemon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license"

"What does a nerd and a bad baseball player have in common? They both can't get to first base!"

"If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else."

"What happened when Dumbo went to a mindrreader? They gave him his money back."

"So my friend went duck hunting the other day, but didn't get anything I told him it was alright. No harm no fowl."

"How do you make soup golden? You add 24 carrots."

"Shopping for Melons My wife sent me to the supermarket with a grocery list, but when I unfolded and read it, all it said was ""melons"". I guess it was the honey dew list."

"Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a flask of whiskey, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter."

"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the 2nd one would have ducked..."

"Call a woman beautiful a hundred times... Call a woman beautiful hundred times, and she won't remember. But call her fat just *one* time, and she'll never forget. Because elephants never forget."