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Joke of the Day

"A lot of people say that alt-right would be good for America. I'll try it if Ctrl-alt-delete doesn't work."

"My boyfriend broke up with because I make too many Linkin Park references, but in the end it doesn't even matter."

"Have you seen the trailer for *Constipated*? That's because it hasn't come out yet"

"I automatically HATE whoever ""declined to be interviewed for this documentary."""

"I didn't like my beard at first.. Then it started to grow on me"

"I once asked my friend from New Zealand to count how many girlfriends he's had Shortly after attempting to do so, he fell asleep."

"What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke? You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?"

"I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?"

"How does a mathematician get rid of constipation? He gets a pencil and works it out."

"The owner of the local pet store let me take a test fish home to see if I'd like one as a pet... ...It was a beta"