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Joke of the Day

"I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, ""You disgust me."" And I said, ""Yes. Yes we did."""

"The abortion train just arrived at the station. ALL ABORT! *choo choo*"

"I was addicted to porn... ...but then I beat it."

"I always love the reaction I get after I cannonball into a public pool. ""OMG, Where's my baby!?"""

"TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship. He did it single handedly too. He was a bit out of breath afterwards though."

"What do a Caucasian woman's breasts have in common with clouds? They're both white fluffy things that float high above the fruitful land where the seeds are planted. Source: Brandon Sanderson"

"[dog bites my arm off] owner: lol don't worry he's just playing"

"Have you heard the one about the suicidal homosexual He hung out in the closet"

"When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things."

"Have you heard about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."