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Joke of the Day

"Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars. Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's."

"[genie emerges from his lamp] Master, what is thy [he sees me on the bed pointing at the remote like 3ft away] Are u kidding me"

"There's a lot of mountains high enough to keep me away from you. You see that Everest mountain? Ain't no way I'm climbing that for you."

"Be careful in traffic with your pasta car... You wouldn't want it to get al dente."

"Hey Alaska wilderness show person who is about to freeze to death with no hope in sight, maybe just cuddle up with the crew filming you..."

"I fell asleep & my cat ate the crackers I left on the table. To teach him a lesson, I ate all his Friskies while he's sleeping on the couch."

"It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads."

"To all my American friends: Happy hunger games... May the odds be ever in your favor."

"Best politically incorrect joke you have heard ?"

"How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes."