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Joke of the Day

"What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both feel like fucking death in the morning."

"Is it cocky to have more than one penis? I think it's two cocky."

"Ok son, the bad news is, your dog died while u were at school. The good news however, I found a vape pen in a tree mmmm onion flavor"

"Someone stole my mood ring I'm not sure how I feel about that"

"Which is heavier: a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Depends on which weigh you think about it"

"""i am equally happy on the couch watching netflix or at a party with friends"" = ""the human condition is one of sickness & contradiction"""

"/r/Jokes hits 2 Million subscribers **/r/Jokes metrics:** Total Subscribers: 2,006,077 Subreddit Rank: 35 Subreddit Growth & Milestones: http://redditmetrics.com/r/Jokes"

"Why does Trump watch the Olympics? To see how high Mexicans can jump"

"I've wasted the best years of my life waiting for people to join conference calls."

"Twitter: Where #Hash is legal."