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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand anymore? It was two tired."

"The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism."

"With a name like ""Earl"", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding."

"Bruce Willis reaches for his iPhone but accidentally grabs his iPad and screams because he thinks he's shrunk"

"My surgeon says I'm the easiest patient to work on. Because I'm gutless, spineless, and my brain and colon are interchangeable."

"I've never dumped a girl. I always lay them peacefully in a field to be discovered by school children"

"Why can I never be a doctor? Because I don't have any patients"

"Her: The laundry pods are missing! Me: Oh really? H: Did you eat them again? M: Absolutely not *burps bubbles* why? H: JUST CALL IT A HUNCH!"

"So I was shopping online for antique guns..... and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition."

"I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques. It was a wikki-wikki Wiki."