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Joke of the Day

"My surgeon says I'm the easiest patient to work on. Because I'm gutless, spineless, and my brain and colon are interchangeable."

"""Would you just look at all this bullshit?!"" - enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers"

"I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later."

"Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer."

"A few days ago I wanted to share a sandwich with a homeless person... ...but then he told me to fuck of and that I should buy my own sandwich."

"Honey, I Shrunk Wrapped the Samdwiches for the Kids' Lumches is There Anythimg Else You Want Me to Do You Kno Theres a Big Game Tonigt Right"

"Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games? Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out."

"#HowToAvoidPoliticsAtDinner bring up something less controversial, like religion."

"Rappers are terrible with pets: the Baja Men let their dogs out, DMX never knows where his dogs are at, and Pitbull is awful."

"Mom wants to meet her Son's Girlfriend Mom :- Son, I would like to meet your Girlfriend. Son:- Me Too.... (Being Single)"