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Joke of the Day

"My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now. I said, ""there's gotta be strings attached."""

"The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone."

"""Feel the burn"" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell."

"What's the Primary Directive in a nunnery (convent) ? Lights out at nine, candles out at ten ..."

"Him: Your body is like poetry Me: That's so nice! H: A haiku M:.. H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom M: Just stop"

"What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!"

"If your conservative parents piss you off over the holidays, come out to them. You don't even have to be gay, it's just a fun thing to do."

"Heard about the new low fat comminion wafer? it's called ""I can't believe it's not Jesus"""

"How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off."

"HER: I love Deadpool ME: I love Dead Pool HER: Oh, cool, you read comics too? ME: *staring out at pond where I toss victims' bodies* Hmm?"