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Joke of the Day

"WAITER: how was everything ME: [rubbing belly] so delicious. thank u WAITER: great. please stop rubbing my belly"

"How can you tell if a black woman is pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out the cotton is already picked."

"I love my cat to bits. That's why I planted a C4 in her bed!"

"Who was the nose's favorite Christian mystic? Nostrildamus"

"I want to give my ex a great Valentines present to show him how much I still care. I think I'll go all out and buy him a Toyota."

"Netflix should double as a dating site and be like ""here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."""

"What's the difference between a musician and a suicide bomber? A musician wears his heart on his sleeve. A suicide bomber wears his spleen on your shoes."

"What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg? Irene."

"How do you know when... ... a blonde has been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How do you know when a brunette used the computer after a blonde? There's writing on the white-out."

"If you could choose between having a girlfriend and owning the new playstation what would be your first game?"