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Joke of the Day

"2 Part Fish Joke What did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Dam. What did the fish's friend say when he ran into the wall? Dumb Bass"

"What did the deaf nymphomaniac say? come again?"

"What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio? Nah, I must stay."

"It's good to keep healthy. My gran started walking 10 miles a day when she was 50... ...she's 80 now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."

"If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling ""IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!"""

"[first date] -so how do you feel about octopus? Her: I like em -Whew! [lets other six arms fall out of shirt]"

"Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK."

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees, i thought she was joking... then i saw her face..."

"2 Irishmen in a helicopter..... One turns to the other and says ""Dew tink if oi turned this here choppa upside down we'll fall out""? ""Don't talk daft, we'll always be friends"""