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Joke of the Day

"*puts on shirt* *notices shirt has OBVIOUS stain* *takes off shirt* *hangs back up for future attempt at wearing shirt*"

"What if balloons take over and start twisting us into animal shapes?"

"I took my new dog to a Veterinarian. He went in Samoyed but came out Husky."

"If u stand in the pouring grain.... Your gonna get all wheat!"

"What did the Jihad name his concession stand? ""Allahu Snackbar!"""

"I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper ""Don`t be silly"", she replied, ""you can borrow my ipad"". That fly never knew what hit it."

"Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror? That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!"

"My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common.... I said, ""Well, we both refuse to suck dick."""

"""If you could be anyone, living or dead, who..."" Me - ""dead"""

"A programmer orders 0 drink from the bar. Only when his friend comes in and he orders for both does he get his drink."