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Joke of the Day

"I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper ""Don`t be silly"", she replied, ""you can borrow my ipad"". That fly never knew what hit it."

"What do Coors Light and sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"Two toothpicks are walking through the forest they come across a hedgehog. Says one to the other ""Look, a bus!"""

"I don't think it's very professional for my psychologist to say ""holy shit!"" twice during my hour."

"I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes."

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge? *""I set* ***who*** *free?""*"

"my sex life is a lot like the bible mostly imaginary and with not much chance of a sequel"

"Something I'll sadly never get back as a Jew My foreskin."

"Why Bell laboratories has so many Nobel Laureates? Because the **Nobel** awarding committee cannot say **No** to **Bel** labs."

"I was gonna open a clothing store for midgets... ... but the market was too small."