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Joke of the Day

"I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper ""Don`t be silly"", she replied, ""you can borrow my ipad"". That fly never knew what hit it."

"What should be done in case of apparent drowning? Take the parent out of the water"

"How many Obama-voters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Obama voters are obviously too lazy to work at anything, so they just HOPE for the lightbulb to CHANGE."

"Sex so good, you make bed angels with your arms and legs afterwards."

"I'll never forget the cooking time for my supermarket brand spaghetti... 9-11 minutes"

"How do the jews comunicate? With smoke signals"

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"Dear Airlines, We never really turn the phones off. Signed, Everyone"

"My girlfriend broke up with me today Now I guess I'm just somebody that she used to blow"

"Why do mathematician never go to the beach? Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan"