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Joke of the Day

"What if balloons take over and start twisting us into animal shapes?"

"I hear there's a sex toy and lingerie shop for chavs. Nissan Summers."

"What is the greatest sport in the history of the Olympics? Discus(s). [I think this works better verbally...]"

"How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the oven till it's Bill Withers."

"Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house."

"Why did the Elton John wax dummy get down voted? Because it was fake and gay."

"I was really bad in my school band. So bad they kicked me out and put me on the registered sax offenders list."

"I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were. I couldn't get the message across."

"What do you call a chicken crossed with a cow? Cock-a-doodle-moo!"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You don't know man, you weren't there!"