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Joke of the Day

"Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually."

"Thanks for being the shoulder to put my head on.. Though being a conjoined twin does have its cons."

"What do you call a religious duck? A Quacker"

"Why wouldn't the two tampons talk to each other? They are both stuck-up cunts."

"How do u kill a blonde paraplegic with one arm hanging from a tree? Wave"

"How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity? He married his cousin."

"Why do elephants hide behind trees? To trip ants."

"I got high during detention today. The teacher made me do lines."

"I once thought about becoming a proctologist... but I can't imagine spending my entire workday dealing with assholes."

"Every time I tie my shoe I feel like I'm giving a faraway sniper the go signal."