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Joke of the Day

"Thanks for being the shoulder to put my head on.. Though being a conjoined twin does have its cons."

"LPT: Masturbate before texting your Ex. It'll make you cum to your senses."

"Level of singleness: yelling, ""pizza's here!"" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me..."

"I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice."

"I got arrested for shooting a black man I was charged for trying to impersonate a police officer"

"French People and France When god created France it was beautiful, and great. The rest of the world was so jeaulous...so to make it equal god created French People."

"I always wanted to be Batman when I was younger. Not because of the money or the gadgets. I just hated my parents."

"Some coworkers sign emails with ""cheers"" or ""sincerely"" followed by their names but I typically use ""you've made a powerful enemy today."""

"Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!"

"Someone told me: You shouldn't fall in love because you might get hurt.... I said yeah: And you shouldn't fuckin live because you might die.."