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Joke of the Day

"Why do elephants hide behind trees? To trip ants."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Matt"

"[Serious] Can we stop making bomb jokes? Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Edit 2: Feeling bombastic! Thanks for the gold!"

"I swear I just troll-dadded this on the spot when my daughter asked... ""Dad, what's a preposition?"" ""A preposition is a word that you never, ever end a sentence with."""

"My wife wants me to make her scream in the bedroom. The 32 lego pieces & 6 upturned plugs, I've strategically placed, should do the trick."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot."

"Me: You've got the same stupid duck face in every picture! Daffy: Erm... :|"

"The toilet felt abandoned... ... but pubic cares :) sorry... I just had to."

"We had a safety meeting at work today. They asked me ""what steps would you take in event of a fire? ""Fucking big ones"" was apparently not the right answer."

"If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself ""Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."""