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Joke of the Day
"What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge? Don't do it! You have potential!"
Next Joke
"Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan."
"""Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?"" Wife: ""Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?"" ""...Yes"" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*"
"(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises? Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)"
"Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics."
"Do not email me when my bill is ready, email me when someone has paid it, thank u."
"Some say that the Mongols created the first iteration of the Ideal Gas Law. After all, they were pneumatic experts."
"Garbage day. When you find out which neighbors are drunks by how many bottles they throw out holy shit this one still has something in it."
"Rape is a terrible crime... I'll never understand how a man can traumatize a woman like that. That's why I always make sure they don't remember..."
"Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow."