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Joke of the Day

"I lost my grandmother last weekend. Seriously, I lost her. If you have seen her around please let me know."

"What do tight jeans and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom"

"Who was the first mathematician? A concave man"

"""Dude, this is so awesome, I can use my $300 smart phone as a flashlight"". - Why we'll be speaking Chinese in 50 years."

"If you are getting a prostate exam... You're getting ANALysed!!!"

"Going out later today to apply for a third job so I can afford to pay for the gas to drive to my other two jobs."

"If Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Justin Bieber were in an elevator with me and I only had two bullets, I would... ..wonder why I didn't bring a fucking gun!"

"I got in from the pub and poured myself a glass of water. ""You're drunk, aren't you?"" said a disappointed voice behind me. ""What makes you say that, honey?"" I asked. She said, ""This isn't your house."""

"It takes 10,000 hours to be really good at something. It's really easy being poor now."

"*bumps into an acquaintance in a world where there's no such thing as weather* Uhhhhhhhhhhh"