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Joke of the Day

"What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant? Abort - Bort - Bort!"

"Charm me with your intelligence or just wait till I'm really drunk."

"Satan's greatest trick is convincing you he's not real but there's a quality drop-off after that. No. 2 is pretending his thumb is your nose"

"I accidentally subscribed to the ""married man"" edition of Playboy. It's got the same centerfold every month."

"Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"what do you call a mexican with a rubber toe? rubbertoe"

"Everyone working at a bank looks like if you said ""Marry me and I'll take you away from all this,"" they'd instantly scream ""Yes!"""

"So I have half a joke about a guy, Who is really shook up about his Parkinson's diagnosis... But I just cant quite put my finger on the punchline."

"What's the best way to piss off your best friend? Stand on top of his head and make it rain."

"Went for ""a walk"" today, like some kind of prehistoric moron."