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Joke of the Day

"A handsome man came up to me today & said ""Hi what's your name?"" I said ""You on Twitter?"" He said ""No"" We're getting married on Monday!"

"What part of the road is always crying? The breakdown lane."

"[NSFW] Why was the snowman smiling? He could see the snowblower coming down the street."

"""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" - crickets (translated)"

"You walk into my bedroom... I'm laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest. You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos."

"There's no dumb questio ""Why'd my parents get divorced?"" See. His parents most likely split up because he's an interrupting little shit"

"Have you heard about the corporation that controls all the world's cheese? The hallouminatti."

"what's up guys welcome 2 mtv cribs 2016 edition today we gonna show you how white peoples homes are oppressive"

"Damn girl are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet because I'm not feeling it right now but I see you over there doing you and I respect that."

"Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone's is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside"