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Joke of the Day

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree? ""I freed the what?"""

"Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die."

"sure the early bird may get the worm... but the second mouse gets the cheese"

"Good Cop: If you tell us where the money is we can help you. Bag Cop: *majestically floats around the interrogation room on AC currents*"

"[sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette"

"You all need to stop with the gay jokes. Cum on guys!"

"What is the difference between Napoleon and his son? One is a Bonaparte from the other."

"BUSINESS IDEA: CinnaBon-Iver. Delicious pastries filled with scarf scraps and broken pieces of wind chimes."

"Did you hear about the new $5 million dollar Kentucky State Lottery? The winner gets $5 for a million years."

"Sending everyone soggy empty boxes this year with a note - Hope you enjoy this expensive ice sculpture made in your honor. #CheapChristmas"