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Joke of the Day

"A man enters the drum section of a music store.. Shopkeeper: ""Sir, you can play here for a while, but then I've gotta ask you to beat it."""

"Why was the tomato blushing? It saw the salad Dressing"

"A Rabbi, a Priest and a Minister walk into a bar... And the bartender says, ""Is this a Joke?"""

"A drunk stumbles out of the bar, sees a nun on the sidewalk and pops her one right in the nose... while she's on the ground crying, he says,""Not so tough now, are you, Batman?"""

"Q: How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One but don't expect results."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house."

"Why do writers hate the bible? It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc."

"Wanna feel old? Make comparative judgments based on how long you've been alive versus how long younger people have been alive. Wild."

"Donald Trump's first act in office will probably be to illegalize all shredded cheese. He will Make America Grate Again."