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Joke of the Day

"When I'm feeling down. I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio"

"Do pigs like Backgammon? No they prefer their backs scratched."

"I have a great knock-knock joke... but you have to start it."

"Eating Chinese food is like getting an organ transplant There's always a chance your body will reject it."

"Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?"

"Steve Irwin lived the same way he died... With animals in his heart."

"I overdosed on my homeopathic medicine today. Forgot to take it."

"Can't wait for the next Jason Bourne movie. I heard he becomes a Christian and starts a church for ex-treadstone agents... It's called Bourne Again"

"You hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months"

"Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything."