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Joke of the Day

"So, I'm thinking of getting a sex change. Currently I have none, but I identify as someone who does. EDIT: Changed relate to identify. I think it better that way."

"Traffic shut down in many US cities today Have you ever seen a angry woman drive?"

"What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking!"

"Yo mama so fat I slap her booty before she goes to work. When she comes home, it still wiggles."

"What do you call someone who's only part Jew? Jewish"

"So my cousin has bieber fever... Or as it's medically known, Down Syndrome."

"Briefly explain 'hard water' ice"

"I don't make typos. I make new words."

"[first day as coast guard] Boss: 7 people died on your watch today Me [looking off into the distance]: yes but the coast is fine"

"Really shouldn't If you're always Putin things off, you'll end up Russian."