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Joke of the Day

"I don't make typos. I make new words."

"Unicorns have one horn and everyone says ""ooh they're so magical"" Cow's have 2 horns & no one cares even though they taste so much better"

"I went SCUBA-diving and my equipment malfunctioned. I was so mad... ... it literally made my blood boil."

"Reasons I work out. 1) I don't wanna be bit by a vampire and spend eternity out of shape and double chinned. 2) I guess to be healthy"

"I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don't hurt his feelings"

"Perforated Paper Products Inc just went out of business. They should have seen it coming. They had a tearable product."

"What do you call bagels that can fly? ""Plane"" Bagels!... I'll show myself out..."

"HR: Sir, why is your secretary standing with tens of underwear in hand? Boss: Damn, I asked her to debrief all the interns before the meeting."

"It's all fun and games until you're sitting in the Planned Parenthood waiting room doing your Algebra homework"

"With all the ways to contact me on social media these days the police still smash through my door unannounced again?"