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Joke of the Day

"My inability to proofread increases by 1000% after I press send. Danmit"

"8 friends share a pizza. Why did one friend not get any? He didn't get his fair share: one over eight."

"You can tell a lot about a person during the opening of Queen's ""Under Pressure"" depending on how bummed they are it's not ""Ice Ice Baby""."

"Not only is my new thesaurus terrible, But it's also terrible."

"In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say ""I'm Shia LaBeouf"""

"Bought a Clap-On Clap-Off light for my bedroom Nearly gave the hooker a seizure during a rough session."

"Friend: Don't come on too strong is my dating tip. [At the restaurant] Her: Can you pass the salt, please? Me: Sorry, it's too heavy."

"Can you guys believe it's already Lexus December To Remember Sales Event time again?"

"What is the best way to get over a guy/girl? Truck."

"I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They're in jail."