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Joke of the Day

"Computer dating is fine... if you are a computer."

"Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway."

"Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border. How did they train it to do that?"

"I love my cats so much, I love that I get to have these two tiny killing machines cuddled up in bed with me"

"The Silent Wife Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today? Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard "" GLUE STICK "" Father : God bless u son !!"

"Why did the freshly circumcised penis experience uncontrollable road rage? Someone cut him off."

"Which came first. . . social media or dumb people? AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language?"

"Mom, am I ugly? ""Of course not, honey. You have everything a man wants, a deep voice, broad shoulders, facial hair..."""

"People need to stop asking me about my 5 year outlook I don't have 2020 vision"

"ACHOO! Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."