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Joke of the Day

"What is the height of hunger? Teeth marks on the toilet seat."

"The 1670s called. Not sure how."

"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names..."

"True irony Ay im Rony!"

"[fleeing the bank we just robbed] accomplice: play it cool this time, okay? me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS police officer: alright he's clear"

"What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman? The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample."

"Hello mother. Hello father. Here I am at Camp Marijuana. Crack is good, but weed is better, I'm so f*cked up, a friend wrote this letter."

"You always agree with me and like what I say even if you don't believe me. What am I? An upvote"

"Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?"