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Joke of the Day

"[fleeing the bank we just robbed] accomplice: play it cool this time, okay? me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS police officer: alright he's clear"

"I just joined alcoholics anonymous I still drink, just use a different name"

"What do you call a friendship between punctuation? Commaraderie"

"What has shadier inner workings, Reddit or FIFA? Still waiting to hear back from an admin."

"My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here."

"A rapist, paedophile and priest enter a bar. He orders a beer."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 jumpers, they can go through 88 stories in 8 seconds."

"What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg"

"There was a knock in my door ""Who's there?"" ""Police"" ""Get out, I didn't call police, I called whores"" ""Your neighbors called us"" ""Let them fuck you then"""

"Go to the attic. Use either the stairs or some second method. Do you choose the former or the ladder?"