129219

Joke of the Day

"*stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*"

"Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder"

"Why wasn't Vladimir late? He was Russian."

"married sext... him: I'll be home soon her: don't you threaten me"

"Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River? Because it has pp in it."

"Loneliness can make you do some strange people."

"Have you noticed that jokes starting with have you noticed' are usually shit!"

"I went to a restaurant with my wife last night and ordered the Hippo soup. I'm still not sure what I'm going to order for myself."

"We're out of duct tape, craft glue, and frozen orange juice because I made a sandwich while I was drunk last night."

"My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK."