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Joke of the Day

"What did Adele say when the chicken crossed the road? ""Hello from the other siiiiiiide!"""

"I hope Hell freezes over soon. A few women have promised me dates when it happens."

"Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half. An M&M. In half."

"I just met an Irishman of Chilean descent. His name was Con Kearney."

"A Man Goes In For His Annual Check-Up With The Doctor The doctor tells him, ""You need to stop masturbating"" The Man Asks ""Why"" The Doctor Replies, ""Because I'm trying to examine you"""

"I broke my can opener.... .... I guess it was a can't opener. Source: happened when I tried to open a can of soup this morning."

"I wonder how many kids with dyslexic parents are getting gifts from Satan tomorrow? ZING!"

"Some people don't like fracking But the alternative is boring!"

"""Your resume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?"" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* ""Grad school."""

"A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19"" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up."