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Joke of the Day

"Why did the stressed out zombie go on vacation? He needed some time to himself to decompose."

"So I used to sleep on my carpet... I'd have to say, it was a pretty flooring experience."

"I like to mix things up a bit and go to a fast food place and complain that there isn't enough pubic hair or fingernails in my food."

"Being on Twitter is like being at a party in that I say stuff to myself and sometimes people listen"

"What is your favorite biology joke?"

"The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range."

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? Job still sucks after 5 years."

"I was playing a game of solitaire, but I only had a pack of Tarot cards I actually won, but 4 people died"

"Don't make me use UPPERCASE."

"Q: What do you do with a green ghoul? A: Wait until it ripens."