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Joke of the Day

"Everyone stop writing movies. Hollywood is just going to make every movie again every 13 years until we all die"

"Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because he was a fungi!"

"What do you call a black person with a PHD? A Doctor you racist!"

"How can you tell if a woman is bi-polar? She works at two different strip clubs."

"Can I go out and do drugs tonight dad? EXCUSE ME?! *sighs* MAY I go out and do drugs tonight dad *snaps newspaper* that's better"

"Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan."

"A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day."

"All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese."

"What do bacteria eat for breakfast? prokaryoats"

"In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids."