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Joke of the Day

"I'm the kind of guy who would feel morally obligated to eat what I kill... So please don't try to rob my house..."

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."

"A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... and the bartender says: ""hey where'd you get that? It looks exotic."" And the parrot says: ""Africa."""

"What planet is so big the entire universe can fit in? Ur Anus."

"A man suffering Crohns Disease who speaks to the deceased is currently fornicating with his obese wife. he's a small medium in large."

"How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!"

"I finally figured out what I wanna be when I get older...........................Younger!"

"Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under ""Home Improvements."""

"What did the clam with a lisp say to his greedy friend? You're so shelfish!"

"I've fathered 200 children..... in one of my reddit comments."