213938

Joke of the Day

"I'm just like my couch 17 years old and I never pull out"

"Where is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of a Google result."

"Facebook has a link to ""Report a Problem"" so I wrote ""I'm not very close with my father."" Now we wait I guess"

"Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test? Because its period came too late."

"My phone just ""autocorrected"" the word 'Dicks' to the word 'Sucks'... Yeah. it gets it."

"I just got told by my dentist that he is homosexual. Bloody Tooth Fairy!"

"Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult."

"Ur mama is so fat, she had to be baptized at sea world."

"I had my credit card stolen. About two years ago now. I never reported it though. On my first statement, I found that the thieves were charging less than my wife was."

"*at Thanksgiving dinner* Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole. Everyone: *gasp* Me: Just kidding you all are."