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Joke of the Day

"I'm just like my couch 17 years old and I never pull out"

"What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose."

"Weighed myself. Did elliptical for 30 minutes. Weighed myself. Half a pound heavier. Never exercising again."

"What do you call a cookie without legs? A cookie"

"I consider myself to be a ""political atheist"" because I don't believe anything politicians say."

"Sometimes my sense of humour is so dark... ... It picks cotton"

"Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because may be 8 didn't have charging jack"

"It's ironic that my sitcom about Abraham Lincoln was shot in front of a live audience."

"My girlfriend asked me how much we would spend at our wedding. Me: I don't want to spend very much. Her: I want it to be a ten thousand dollar wedding. Me: Okay, so you, can do that then."

"What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Probably get suffocated in his collapsed coffin"