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Joke of the Day

"What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Probably get suffocated in his collapsed coffin"

"Why was the belt thrown in jail? He held up a pair of pants."

"What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball? You look quite put-together this evening."

"[travels back in time] [accidentally kills Baby Charlie Chaplin]"

"I thought I had lice. Then I remembered I was in an Asian restaurant."

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"What do you call pickled bread? Dill Dough"

"LH741: Tower give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday Sir."

"What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly."

"[sees some cut grass] ""Nice"" [sees some ripped leaves] ""oh yea"" [sees a twig with a 6 pack] ""holy shit"""