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Joke of the Day

"An important phone call is something that occurs when there's no better excuse to ignore someone."

"How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? tape velcro to the ceiling."

"Rabbi So today I was wondering, when a rabbi performs a circumsision, does he get paid or does he just keep the tips?"

"Q: What do flies wear on their feet? A: Shoos."

"Why should women only masturbate with these two fingers? *holds up middle and ring finger* Because they're mine!"

"What does ISIS call wine snobs? Zinfandels!!!!!!"

"What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ? A baked potato"

"My mom wants 3-D eye surgery to see 3-D movies without glasses. I told her they don't exist. She doesn't care. Operation's next Tuesday."

"For people with a gluten allergy, it's kind of like kryptonite, except Superman didn't find a way to mention it in every conversation."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, of course!"