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Joke of the Day

"My mom wants 3-D eye surgery to see 3-D movies without glasses. I told her they don't exist. She doesn't care. Operation's next Tuesday."

"Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively"

"My New Year's resolutions: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count."

"A Physics teacher was talking about the velocity of a falling ball A student asked, ""Is it an African ball or an European ball?"""

"[playing limbo at Gary's house] GARY: how low can you go? *i sleep with Gary's wife* GARY: wow, that is pretty low"

"I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave."

"What's the best blood type? Blood that is circulating."

"Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? They only had 2 trucks"

"What do you call an Indian man standing on one leg? Balan Singh"

"Quack Quack Who's there? A duck."