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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on."

"HULK:*smashes a tank* IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind* HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still"

"You play the victim so well, I'm surprise you don't carry around your own piece of chalk."

"What is the difference between a prison guard and a member of Congress One interacts with felons, half of which are probably innocent of crimes, and the other works on Capitol Hill."

"Math jokes never work on me I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up."

"Pizza Hut: Hello Me: I'd like a hot dog bites pizzas PH: Pick up or delivery? Me: Based on that order, you think I get off the couch?"

"I'm 100 percent against animal cruelty. Nothing makes me sadder than when my dog makes fun of me."

"A man named Zwayne walks into a bar. ""Arrgh, fucking hell! Who put that bastarding bar there?"""

"[Drug deal] How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this? *Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is"

"Spider-Man Spider-Man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web Any size Catches thieves Eats those guys Hey wait Don't do that Spider-Man"