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Joke of the Day

"[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery... Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed."

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"[texting] ME: I like you, I think you're cute MY CRUSH: oh um ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that"
"What's the difference between cancer and black people? Cancer got Jobs."
"Do you know why I pulled you over? ""Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet."" I meant this time ""Oh. No."" Please step out of the oven."
"Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she could moan with the other."
"If the people in your car don't match the stick figures on your rear window, I'll report your vehicle stolen."
"What do Mexicans use to cut pizza? Little Caesars."
"How many times can you watch the Godfather movies before you're bored? More than a Coppola times....Solozzo times I guess..don't be a Fredo gettin' addicted to it.... It's Kay :)"
"What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money."
"The cops came to my house claiming my dog chased someone down on a bike! I explained to the idiots that my dog doesn't own a bike."