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Joke of the Day

"The cops came to my house claiming my dog chased someone down on a bike! I explained to the idiots that my dog doesn't own a bike."

"If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays."

"Freddy from scooby doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s He ran on splitting up gangs."

"The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise? Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!"

"By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance"

"Polish joke What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name."

"Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette"

"Have you heard the latest by Lady Marmalade and the Pectin Pack? Oh wait, I forgot you don't like jam bands"

"Gay people are not mean They're just fucking assholes."

"Football would actually be entertaining of each team was allowed one bear."