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Joke of the Day

"The cops came to my house claiming my dog chased someone down on a bike! I explained to the idiots that my dog doesn't own a bike."

"I wasn't sure about having sex with aliens Butt fuck 'et"

"DONT SIT IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR EXAMINING YOUR FLAWS. QUIT IT. THEY ARENT REALLY THERE. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE!!!"

"Why couldn't the computer play golf?... ...Because it had the wrong Driver"

"What does idk stand for? Literally everyone I ask doesn't know."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus? on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside"

"TBS is going to air CS:GO next year. What should TNT host? League of Legends. Because they know drama."

"I just used 'medieval' and 'archaic' in a text message. I know people, I don't get how I'm not still a virgin either."

"An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So he went in and applied for the job!"

"Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you? Abortion"