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Joke of the Day

"u have one (1) new dad. click here to accept Todd."

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"I'm in favour of same sex marriage That's mainly because I've been having the same sex with my wife for the past 20 years"

"I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia."

"I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering ""Your end is nigh, letter boy."""

"We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it's stealing."

"Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere."

"I've got writer's bl I've got writer'ssssss somethinnnn somethin Writer's blah blah blah blah I'm going to get coffee."

"Waiter what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder! I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !"

"Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay."