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Joke of the Day

"im a cat and i FREaking love turning potential energy into kinetic *pushes glass off table* your going to feed and keep me for some reason"

"Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive."

"'Say it with flowers' Send a wreath"

"What sucks about being an egg? You get laid once, and it's by your mom."

"When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm You could say I got Little Seizures."

"My ex had a really weird fetish... She would dress as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who are good at math, and those who aren't."

"dave is coming to play poker ""dave from college or dave who walks like he's in a video game?"" [dave takes 3 tries to walk through open door]"

"The band's name is 1023 MB. They haven't had any gigs yet."

"I fucked a fat woman in an elevator once It was wrong on so many levels"